+ @daveweigel: "2031: 'Dad, where were you when we learned bin Laden died?' 'Kids, I was saying stupid crap about it on Twitter.'"
+ @LisaHorne: "And thru this all, Khloe Kardashian is promoting her show while Bin Laden is now confirmed dead. HELLO?"
+ @AndyResnik: "The Indians are in first place AND Bin Laden is dead. #winning"
+ @j_cynic: "Well, this news is great and all, but I was kinda hoping Obama was going to announce the iPhone 5 would be available free to everybody."
+ @mccook2002: "Jim Tressel has known Bin Laden was dead for several weeks, but didn't know who to tell. #fakeBreaking"
+ @OfficialReview: "Who got the kill shot on Osama Bin Laden? I bet you guys it was Tim Tebow."
+ @rudygay22: "Ok so we killed Osama. Now all we have to do is find Waldo and Carmen San Diego! Then I will be impressed!! (LOL)"
+ @amiehartnett: "Al Qaeda is now listed as singleā„ #FB #BinLaden"
+ @rustymillerap: "8 years to the day after "Mission Accomplished" speech ... Mission Accomplished."
+ @JimGaffigan: "In lieu of flowers Al Qaeda has asked that you buy tickets to one my shows http://tinyurl.com/6lnykv"
+ @HeyItsLiam: "FOX NEWS' TAKE: "African American Male in Washington Confesses to Murder of Elderly Man."
+ @amateurgourmet: "See what happens when you let gays serve in the military?"
+ @PimpBillClinton: "How much you wanna bet Sarah Palin's illiterate ass thinks the headlines read "Obama's Dead?"
+ @SteveNash: "Since we caught Osama do I still have to take my laptop out at security?"
+ @sportsbroad: "Damnit Georgia, THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD SELL BOOZE ON SUNDAYS"
+ @ramzyn: "Cause of death: American badassery"
+ @Bachscore: "Operation Drunken Revelry underway."
+ @Regnevelc: "@dennisdoddcbs bush gets the W and Obama gets the save."
+ @billmaher: "Somali pirates, Gaddafi's son, now bin Laden - do NOT fuck with Obama, he's Gangsta!!"
+ @raphiellej: "When those who did the job return all they should have to do in a drinking establishment is raise their hand. No wallet needed. We got you."
+ @mudd4goals: "This could be Twitter's finest moment. I'm loving everything coming across my timeline"
+ @OsamaBinIaden: "I hate the English and all but god damn Kate Middleton is gonna be a QILF"
+ @Mengus22: "I have a final exam in accounting at 9:00 am. I am going to fail. I don't care."
+ @chrisilluminati: "Ok, so seriously, who the fuck got thrown off Apprentice??"
+ @PeteAbe: "Transcript just in: Bin Laden: "Who is it? ... UPS? ... I didn't order anything from Amazon. ... Wait a second ... Oh, S... "
+ @SklarBrothers: "Great. He killed Bin Laden. But he's done nothing to fix BCS system. -- Fox News."
+ @LonelyTailgater: "Now that Bin Laden is dead, the title of World's Biggest Asshole has been transferred to Tom Sizemore."