5 Questions: On The Bengals, Allen Iverson And Tiger

By JOHN P. WISE
One Great Season

+ What is going on in Cincinnati?
Just days after Rey Maualuga's high-profile DUI arrest and subsequent guilty plea, the Bengals worked out embattled Adam Jones on Thursday. Rather than trying to improve upon a nice 2009 season and build toward repeating in 2010 as AFC North champions, it looks more like the Bengals are trying to reclaim their reputation as the biggest collection of buffoons in the NFL. And there are rumors that the team is considering bringing Terrell Owens in from Buffalo? Oh my goodness.

Also in Cincinnati, the Bearcats are flaming out for the third straight February and basketball coach Mick Cronin's job is safe. That just doesn't add up. 

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+ Does Tiger Woods have henchmen?
How else do you explain no leakage of his alleged presence at a Mississippi sex clinic, or really anywhere else? My cousin brought this up the other day, and it seems clear that in the age of the camera phone, someone is getting some serious protection. Perhaps Tiger is handing out Buicks to those who comply with the keep-your-mouth-shut edict.

+ Which weekend is better for groupie whores?
The Super Bowl offers more crossover appeal, as stars from other sports -- and entertainment celebrities, too -- are all over the place. NBA All-Star weekend, however, is a completely light-hearted affair, so everyone, including the participants, is looking for a good time. If you're a large-breasted gal, pack your tightest tops because you will no doubt get some attention.

+ Why are "Allen Iverson" and "All-Star Game" being used in the same sentence?
Speaking of this weekend's big event in Dallas, I was surprised to hear the news about Allen Iverson Thursday. Certainly I hope his family issue will get resolved, but he has no business being in the All-Star game in the first place. I realize he was voted in, and that certainly speaks to a certain amount of popularity, but Iverson hasn't been a star in a few years.

+ What's the difference between a catastrophe and a disappointment?
Ask North Carolina basketball coach Roy Williams, who recently implied that his Heels' awful season has been catastropic, much like, the earthquake in Haiti that has left more than 200,000 dead. Clearly, Williams turned some behind-the-scenes PR advice into a public apology after the statement.

+ (Bonus Question) Could Hannah Storm look any more precious in ESPN's latest "SportsCenter" promo with Dwight Howard?

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Forgive My Skepticism About Rey Maualuga's Rehab Vow

By JOHN P. WISE
One Great Season

There's at least one thing sadder than the report that Rey Maualuga plans to undergo alcohol rehabilitation at the Betty Ford Center, and that's the likelihood that Maualuga will surely find himself with a beer in his hand again soon.

Betty Ford isn't for people who had a bad weekend or who want to slow things down. It's for people who've hit what recovering drinkers like to call rock bottom.

By all means, feel remorse for your recent DUI arrest and subsequent guilty plea, but please understand, big fella, that rehab is for quitters. Those who want to quit drinking. Forever.

Maualauga's behavioral shortcomings are well known, and being a rich, young, single athlete in sleepy Cincinnati -- a city that will definitely make you miss the sexy offerings of Los Angeles, where not long ago he played his college football -- suggests he will get bored and surely find trouble again.

Celebrities in our image-obsessed culture like to think a public admission of guilt and a vow to go to therapy or rehab suddenly means everything is going to get better. But such a stance requires far more of a commitment than a 23-year-old millionaire is probably prepared for. I wish Maualuga luck, but I don't think he'll stick to it.