Tiger Falls Short At Augusta And In Interviews
By JOHN P. WISE
One Great Season
I learned my lesson about moral victories nearly 20 years ago. After my Cincinnati Bearcats nearly beat a highly ranked Penn State football team, I bumped into some UC players I knew as I was leaving a bar and they were walking in about 90 minutes after almost pulling off the improbable upset.
I can't recall if I tried to steal a page from Knute Rockne, but I do remember knocking that speech out of the park. Or maybe it was weak as hell. I told the fellas I knew they weren't just trying to be competitive; they thought they were good enough to win. And they were that night. Just a year after that 81-0 debacle in State College, Tim Murphy's men were poised to be better than Joe Paterno's squad on that Saturday night.
And although Cincinnati lost, I told those Cats I was proud to be a UC student and surely so were thousands more. Instead of drinking the usual 16 beers that night, my dudes and me probably downed 20 each and a few shots, too.
But again, moral victories are supposed to be for losers seeking silver linings, right? Tiger Woods hates silver linings.
The world's greatest golfer finished eleven under par at the Masters Sunday. I repeat, eleven under par this weekend after 72 holes at Augusta. In his first competiton since before Thanksgiving more than four months ago, Woods finished tied for fourth place out of the 48 golfers who beat the cut. He was all over the course for much of Sunday, yet until the final six or eight holes remained in contention to win his fifth Green Jacket at what is arguably the most prestigious event on the PGA tour each year.
And yet the man who claimed he was going to dial back his habit of vulgarities and basically be more fan-friendly couldn't help but resort to being his usual self: a complete a-hole with no sense of perspective.
Tiger spent 45 days in sex rehab around the new year after his high-profile dalliances with celebrity-seeking whores. He could certainly use some therapy, but not for his womanizing and his unfaithfulness -- for that I propose another seven-letter remedy called divorce. Instead, he could benefit from some professional advice on how to act like a man.
Shortly after his final round Sunday, Woods put on a concrete face, which is to say that he changed nothing, and told a gaggle of reporters afterward: "I came here to win the event and I finished fourth. I made way too many mistakes."
Dude, we get it. You're one of the most competitive guys out there and you have a deep desire to be the best at any competition. That's great. You are certainly the best golfer of our time and will eventually be the best ever, and even at the age of just 34, you are one of the most recognized people on the globe.
If I was lucky enough to spend five minutes alone in a room with Woods, after asking for a few of his groupies' phone numbers, I'd never dare to preach to him the importance of embracing moral victories. He finished fourth in his first golf tournament after a long layoff and an embarrassing personal turd-in-the-punch-bowl. Most of us would be thrilled at such an outcome, but Tiger Woods is far more than just a long par five away from most of us.
We often think it's impressive when we hear former athletes talk about the glory days and tell interviewers things like, "Yeah, Michael hated to lose more than anybody I ever saw. He'd want to fight you if you just beat him in checkers on the plane." Is that seriously supposed to be cute?
We teach children about good sportsmanship and frown upon the idea of being a sore loser. But with adults, we talk about that fiery competitor who really wants to win. Don't we all want to win?
The funny thing is that even the guy who won, the guy who once was regarded as the good, happy golfer who could never win the big one, soft-breasted Phil Mickelson, now has three green jackets in his closet to Tiger's four. And it looks like Mickelson could not possibly care less. Had the roles been reversed Sunday, Mickelson would have been more of a gentleman in defeat than Tiger in victory. The man sometimes referred to as FIGJAM has fun, he smiles and unlike Tiger, he knows how to pull off a high-five with his caddie.
It also appears Mickelson knows how to play through adversity. You see, there's this thing called cancer; both his wife and mother are fighting it. And had Mickelson not won the Masters Sunday, that tender, post-round embrace with wife Amy still would have taken place, just maybe not in front of a CBS camera. And then Lefty would have given Kostis an interview that, if you were to set your TV on mute, would have still looked like an interview with the champion. That's because even a moral victory can make a good man feel like a winner.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010 at 8:36AM 
