USMNT Seeks Another Wednesday Night At The Bar

World Cup Could Prove To Be
Hot Chick's Sober Girlfriend

By BEN JACKEY
One Great Season

Most guys have had that one night. That one blip in the continuum when the stars align. Maybe Wednesday night at a half-empty bar and an outgoing and extremely drunk co-ed strikes up a conversation. These aren't the 4s or 5s you usually corral at last call. We're talking way out of your league (think Jamie Kennedy and Jennifer Love Hewitt).

Your liquid confidence and her inability to reason lead to some awkward, non-rhythmic, yet sensual dancing and eventually some tongue entanglement outside the club. But just before you're ready to take her to her place, her sober girlfriend rescues her and leaves you empty-handed.

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For the United States Men's National Team, the 2009 Confederations Cup was that hot chick. That team was fortunate to even be in the elimination round. An improbable 3-0 drubbing of Egypt got the Americans to safety on goal differential after being previously thumped by Brazil and Italy. Then came conversation and sensual dancing in the form of a shocking 2-0 defeat of Spain. Yes, the U.S. outplayed the No. 1 team in the world, but the two goals were extremely fortunate. Jozy Altidore's bounced off a hand and the post. Clint Dempsey's came after a poor pass by Landon Donovan took two lucky deflections.

Then, the lip-locking. USA found itself up 2-0 on Brazil after another fortunate goal by Dempsey and then maybe the best counter-attack the USMNT had ever produced, with precision passing and finishing from Charlie Davies and Donovan.

But the sober girlfriend eventually reared her ugly head, rushed into the bar and took the hot chick away. Brazil 3, USA 2.

Truth be told, the USA supporters' confidence and optimism are due in large part to that "Wednesday night." Remember, there was no England, no Portugal, no Ivory Cost and no France -- none of the beefcake dudes who could have easily scored with that girl in the USA's stead. Who can forget the two stiff drinks the Stars and Stripes had  at their ready, eager to charm the hot girl who normally wouldn’t give them a second look?     

+ Charlie Davies -- No one can stretch the field like he can and he was developing into a good passer.

+ A healthy Oguchi Onyewu -- He may have played the three best games of his life in that tournament, but is now nowhere near 75 percent, let alone 100.

I will argue that in its current physical form, this team is slightly better than it was in 2006. The group it will face will more readily concede points than the one the Yanks faced in Germany. Don't be surprised if the USMNT makes it out of the group stage. Don't be surprised if it doesn't.

A heading in the overpriced ESPN World Cup Preview reads, "Teams that won't win, but could." I audibly laughed as I found the USA grouped in with the select handful of teams that included the Netherlands and France. Sorry, but June 11 marks the beginning of Saturday night. Chances are we'll be leaving either empty-handed or worse (think Rosie O'Donnell).

Jackey is an Emmy Award-winning former television reporter and soccer fanatic who lives in Louisville, Ky.