LeBron James Hopes For Better Sex From Miami

By JOHN P. WISE
One Great Season

When I was 21, long before Blackberrys and easy stalking, I had to use my wall-mounted Sports Illustrated sneaker phone to try to find my girlfriend on Memorial Day weekend.

I finally caught up to her I think on Sunday or Monday. We were students at the University of Cincinnati, and she was a native of Dayton, just an hour up the road. She may have even fucked known Kirk Herbstreit.

It took me calling her off-campus apartment for 48 straight hours before I finally reached her at her mother's home in Dayton. She told me she went to a wedding with an ex-boyfriend.

---

MORE: Complete LeBron James Coverage

---

Needless to say, this particular telephone conversation was the break-up conversation. After she concluded her I'm-dumping-you speech -- I repeat: after she concluded her I'm-dumping-you speech -- she then told me I didn't make her happy in bed.

In the long run it actually was somewhat beneficial to hear such a terrible thing. I'd like to think subsequent girlfriends enjoyed being with a guy who learned -- better late than never -- the importance of being attentive and unselfish.

---

ALSO: World Cup Coverage From One Great Season

---

But the salt in the gaping wound still was painful, far more painful than losing a girl whose west-pointing left nipple resembled a dog's chew toy. And this is the breakup in my dating history that most closely resembles the unnecessarily ugly split between LeBron James and my beloved hometown of Cleveland.

I don't mind that a star athlete chose to take his prime to another team because he feels he has a better chance to win multiple championships there. Sure it's disappointing but it's logical and most of us would do the same thing.

Some have written that LeBron didn't owe Cleveland anything. He made that franchise what it had become and he made owner Dan Gilbert many millions of dollars. While the self-proclaimed King James didn't owe that desperate city more years, I can't say he owed it nothing. LeBron owed them respect and grace and he thoroughly failed in that endeavor.

He and his camp planned a nasty divorce and in front of millions of ESPN viewers, LeBron James told the nation that Cleveland didn't make him happy in bed.

By all means, make an unpopular decision if you must, but please know that Cleveland deserves far better than what you did to it on Thursday night.