Germany’s Demise Trumpeted By Vuvuzela Guy On Pitch

Spain Set-Piece Dooms
Listless German Side

By STEVE SUSI
One Great Season

A former German client (well, she's still German, but was a client of mine at a certain German luxury auto manufacturer) emailed me at halftime, and I quote: "Looks a bit weak right now. Not sure what happened between last Saturday and today. Need a bit more drive and power. Let's keep our fingers crossed. Natascha."

Unfortunately for this lovely fräulein, the Italian fan who jumped the fence at the fourth minute and headed toward midfield with the plastic horn in his lasagna-hole had better moves and more determination than did Die Mannschaft today.

From the opening whistle, La Furia Roja looked every bit the title contenders they've been touted as since their 2008 European Cup win, dominating possession and dictating play with a tight midfield that pushed forward constantly and waited patiently.

The double-pronged grand irony: Germany was beaten on a set piece -- long their area of dominance -- and it was Carles Puyol, one of the smaller guys on the pitch, who did the deed from the air. Odd for a German team averaging 6' 0.4" tall, who have through history gone Luftwaffe on opponents' asses. Puyol's a full two inches shorter, measuring in at a whopping 5-foot-10 and 172 pounds, but that didn't seem to matter. He rushed that shit like "Pour Some Sugar on Me" once did the Top 20.

Um, what? This little Puyol went to town. This little Puyol went to the finals. The diminutive center back had more unmarked space for that corner than Christina Ricci's forehead. This was in fact a microcosm for Germany's listlessness -- a corner kick on their goal at 0-0 is normally a near-guaranteed clearing of the ball. No one communicated, no one moved, and no one smiled after the ball buried deep into the net.

Hmmm. If German coach Joachim Low could just keep his finger outta his nose for 30 seconds, he'd have made substitutions to stem the malaise and somehow fire up a German national team that, until this match, had shown more flair and creativity than most can remember. Too bad, because heretofore they were "The New Germany."

All the props go to Spain, however. Piqué, Villa, Iniesta, Xavi, and of course, Puyol had great looks all day, and the average viewer just knew it was a matter of time. They pressed but weren’t hasty, and when Germany made its expected drives, they were as cool as Paul the Octopus.

So, enhorabuena to Spain. The 2008 European Cup champs replicated their 1-0 tally against Germany from those finals, and never has Uno-Cero sounded so exciting.

Click here for Steve's bio and an archive of his previous stories.

Comments

[Trane]

Ha ha hilarious! Well done Steve.